Blogs eh, they're a bit of a pointless exercise aren't they? That's not rhetorical, the answer is largely yes. So why am I writing something I find pointless, and as an interesting side-note, uninteresting?
Well, I need a job doing something I enjoy, and my preference as a certified joke of all trades, is to find a job that allows me to get paid for having an opinion. Quite simply I want a monetised ego.
I recently decided to take this ridiculous approach to finding work, saying as the painfully realistic and laughably tragic method has gotten me, and so many others precisely to, or equal to nowhere. The workplace I last retired to was a graveyard of Master's graduates with faces like bus drivers being given £20 notes on a Sunday. There was an almost apologetic air to that unfulfilled ambition being perceived as snobbery, due to the unmask-able chorused sighs born to witness at some of the most exasperatingly stupid people sharing our pay grades. I'd look down at the ground in exasperation, but I wore these work shoes to my graduation, which makes me wonder why Alanis Morissette never included that in her song.
'It's like graduation shoes, at your horrible job,
it's like 10 thousand chives, when all you need is a spice.
It's proper ironic...and that?'
Catchy as fuck! But woah! What? Wait!, who are the truly stupid people here? Those that went straight to that job? Or those that wasted a small fortune on an education, and then went to it? …..actually it's them, there is no excuse for asking if Hitler was 'that moustache bloke?' and using the child's alphabet to spell your surname. To be fair, that's only one person, and Hitler was only brought up, because I said that he should be sent to an extermination camp, because he's offensively stupid.
'Hahahaha' I'm kidding of course, but you could imagine a nation being duped into it, if it was ever on the cards. I for one know that I was duped into it, and brainwashed. I'll use sock puppets at my Nuremberg trial and it'll be fine.
You haven't written a blog until you've compared the incomparable to the holocaust
Well, I need a job doing something I enjoy, and my preference as a certified joke of all trades, is to find a job that allows me to get paid for having an opinion. Quite simply I want a monetised ego.
I recently decided to take this ridiculous approach to finding work, saying as the painfully realistic and laughably tragic method has gotten me, and so many others precisely to, or equal to nowhere. The workplace I last retired to was a graveyard of Master's graduates with faces like bus drivers being given £20 notes on a Sunday. There was an almost apologetic air to that unfulfilled ambition being perceived as snobbery, due to the unmask-able chorused sighs born to witness at some of the most exasperatingly stupid people sharing our pay grades. I'd look down at the ground in exasperation, but I wore these work shoes to my graduation, which makes me wonder why Alanis Morissette never included that in her song.
'It's like graduation shoes, at your horrible job,
it's like 10 thousand chives, when all you need is a spice.
It's proper ironic...and that?'
Catchy as fuck! But woah! What? Wait!, who are the truly stupid people here? Those that went straight to that job? Or those that wasted a small fortune on an education, and then went to it? …..actually it's them, there is no excuse for asking if Hitler was 'that moustache bloke?' and using the child's alphabet to spell your surname. To be fair, that's only one person, and Hitler was only brought up, because I said that he should be sent to an extermination camp, because he's offensively stupid.
'Hahahaha' I'm kidding of course, but you could imagine a nation being duped into it, if it was ever on the cards. I for one know that I was duped into it, and brainwashed. I'll use sock puppets at my Nuremberg trial and it'll be fine.
You haven't written a blog until you've compared the incomparable to the holocaust
The job market, cuts and student political debate have been done to death, meaning I don't have to. It's for the best really, my political ignorance is conveniently deliberate, and part of an ongoing attempt to not have an aneurysm. I've always been distrustful of all politicians, and probably always will be. I can't get on board with people who answer, or rather avoid questions by endlessly laying blame elsewhere. I know it's seen as a skill, but to me it's only that because it takes a paraplegic level of regression to bend your non-existent spine all the way back to the petty, he said-she said quarrels, taught out of you at primary school. It could accurately be perceived as ignorance on my part, but I opted out of the political mine-field a long time ago, and was quite happy with the mistaken belief that they're all as good and as bad as each other. Now, for the first time in my life, it's been inescapable, and even if I'd escaped the current shit-storm, I'd have to be the impossible bastard-child of Houdini and Dillinger to have escaped it's puddles like the puddle-jumping fanny that I am.
In one year my C.V has gone from being exemplary, to solid, to inexperienced, to irrelevant, to paper. So exactly what has been the point in higher education and all of the unpaid work placements along the way? Are we now a society based around, and pandering to the subservient jobs vacated when everyone went to Uni to get their dream job? With not just an ignorant, but deliberate and conceitedly snobbish disregard for knowledge?
A friend of mine made a point about 5 years too late for both of us, that educational content should be scrapped, and instead children should just be taught how to be 'relentlessly and unjustifiably confident'. Certainly in my experience in working in call centres, it's those with the most subservient attitude that get anywhere. Usually the type of Call Centre Advisor who thinks they aren’t expendable, with their faux-queen’s English, swinging from side to side, fingers spread and symmetrically touching finger-tips left hand to right hand. Over-dressed for the business-casual environment, thinking their opinion holds more weight than their belt, with their sights firmly set on promotion to placating their superiors and shitting on everyone else, thinking they’re better than everyone else without ever hinting at justifying it. I can be bitter.
Recently there have been a few companies murmuring in outright, backlashed snobbery, and suggesting that, here fuck it, being stupid is what we're about, and we're proud of it. Like some Middle-Class graduate threw a top-hatted boomerang at the working-class in the '80s, and it's just come back, covered in hypocritical bull-shit, and actual shit, because we all know the working class get a bit hacky.
One example being the First Direct advert, which depicts a young school-girl, fucking about in class, drawing whales, talking loudly, and generally being the type of person you secretly fantasised about punching in the face at school. The advert roles forward to now, where she relates to the customer, who sounds apologetically condescending in their middle classiness, about how it's 'only human' to forget to pay your bill from time to time. Fair enough, but she works for a bank, I don't want to put my already turbulent finances in the hands of a Whale drawing, concrete spazz-child just because she's a 'real person'.
Normally it wouldn't bother me. I mean, it's only an advert after-all, and labelling the stereotypically working-class as real people is incredibly condescending, but it's accurate in the same way as calling a stereotypical spade a real spade is accurate. The part that blitzes my hope, that spits in the face of my ambition, is that this person is being championed as 'real people'. Imagine a scenario where a montage is shown of the same person working incredibly hard at school, like a cross between Rocky Balboa and Hermoine Granger, and then being described as a 'real person' while working at First Direct. That would be snobbishly offensive, alienating, and unrealistic really. So why is it O.K for the under-educated and fat (Jacomo) to emphasise that they're real, or proper people? Is it because I've thought about this too much? I probably have, but I've thought about that too, and it's not. Is it because they'll eat us with their fat bellies? Probably. Or is it because it's an admission that the majority of us are fat and stupid, and can get on-board with it? 'Me do eat now! IS THIS EXISTENCE??' Hallow!
I know it's just an advert, but if you asked David Cameron why it's an advert, he'd probably childishly come back with 'you're an advert!' and then implode for accidentally blurting out a possible answer. Writing this has been fun. Conceitedness and Bitterness have been ticked off my list.
A friend of mine made a point about 5 years too late for both of us, that educational content should be scrapped, and instead children should just be taught how to be 'relentlessly and unjustifiably confident'. Certainly in my experience in working in call centres, it's those with the most subservient attitude that get anywhere. Usually the type of Call Centre Advisor who thinks they aren’t expendable, with their faux-queen’s English, swinging from side to side, fingers spread and symmetrically touching finger-tips left hand to right hand. Over-dressed for the business-casual environment, thinking their opinion holds more weight than their belt, with their sights firmly set on promotion to placating their superiors and shitting on everyone else, thinking they’re better than everyone else without ever hinting at justifying it. I can be bitter.
Recently there have been a few companies murmuring in outright, backlashed snobbery, and suggesting that, here fuck it, being stupid is what we're about, and we're proud of it. Like some Middle-Class graduate threw a top-hatted boomerang at the working-class in the '80s, and it's just come back, covered in hypocritical bull-shit, and actual shit, because we all know the working class get a bit hacky.
One example being the First Direct advert, which depicts a young school-girl, fucking about in class, drawing whales, talking loudly, and generally being the type of person you secretly fantasised about punching in the face at school. The advert roles forward to now, where she relates to the customer, who sounds apologetically condescending in their middle classiness, about how it's 'only human' to forget to pay your bill from time to time. Fair enough, but she works for a bank, I don't want to put my already turbulent finances in the hands of a Whale drawing, concrete spazz-child just because she's a 'real person'.
Normally it wouldn't bother me. I mean, it's only an advert after-all, and labelling the stereotypically working-class as real people is incredibly condescending, but it's accurate in the same way as calling a stereotypical spade a real spade is accurate. The part that blitzes my hope, that spits in the face of my ambition, is that this person is being championed as 'real people'. Imagine a scenario where a montage is shown of the same person working incredibly hard at school, like a cross between Rocky Balboa and Hermoine Granger, and then being described as a 'real person' while working at First Direct. That would be snobbishly offensive, alienating, and unrealistic really. So why is it O.K for the under-educated and fat (Jacomo) to emphasise that they're real, or proper people? Is it because I've thought about this too much? I probably have, but I've thought about that too, and it's not. Is it because they'll eat us with their fat bellies? Probably. Or is it because it's an admission that the majority of us are fat and stupid, and can get on-board with it? 'Me do eat now! IS THIS EXISTENCE??' Hallow!
I know it's just an advert, but if you asked David Cameron why it's an advert, he'd probably childishly come back with 'you're an advert!' and then implode for accidentally blurting out a possible answer. Writing this has been fun. Conceitedness and Bitterness have been ticked off my list.
